I’ve come to a conclusion.   I’ve sent a message to my closest friends and family.  It says…

 

Thanks, to everyone for your thoughts and messages today.  I’ll be okay, but I don’t want to talk about it…. now or later.  I just want to deal with it and get back to normal life for awhile without everything revolving around trying to get pregnant.

 

I’m feeling like a bit of a failure at the moment (and no, please don’t rush to tell me I’m not, because it’s not about that) and I guess that’s because it’s tough to go through something like this with all eyes on you, and then not “coming through with the goods” so to speak.

 

Because of this, I’m sorry to say that I’ve decided not to tell everyone when or even if I will continue to attempt to get pregnant… it’s just too stressful for me with everyone wanting to know details all the time (again, I know this comes from concern and caring etc.) …but for me, it’s much better to just go about my business and make an announcement when/if I ever get pregnant.

 

I hope you all understand where I’m coming from, and thanks for being in my life.

 

My first cycle was a lot easier, because only a couple of people knew what I was going through.  And then, I only told everyone when I got pregnant, and I’m still glad I did, because I certainly needed their support when I lost the baby… but that meant that the secret was out, and everyone knew, and so the conversations just continued into the next stage of trying again.  Way too much pressure!!

 

I really don’t want all eyes on me all the time, and I want my life to go back to that period in time when NOONE felt sorry for me, and NOONE worried about me being childless or alone.  I hope they understand… it’s not that I don’t want to talk… I just don’t want to talk about getting pregnant all the time!

 

One of my beautiful friends has responded and told me that she thinks I’m brave and that she doesn’t feel slighted at all, so of course, I’m crying again, and feeling so lucky to have wonderful friends in my life, supporting me through all the tough times.  And I’m so glad that my message hasn’t been misinterpreted and that people understand.

 

So… now its time for me to reflect a bit more and work out what I’m going to do.  I’ve eaten through a huge chunk of my savings, and I’m battered and bruised inside and out.  I think I’ll take some time out, get fit & healthy and see what life throws at me at some point down the track, with no expectations.